A Civil Tone, a Sanctified Tongue, A Pure Heart

There are some sins in churches today which are accepted as "not all that bad". These sins include: gossip, slander, backbiting, unwholesome talk...and any other type of conversation or attitude that tears down another person. These (and others like it) bother me greatly. They destroy relationships in the church. They are as heinous and destructive and as offensive to God as any other sin. I can have compassion on a drunk, or an adulterer, or a fornicator, or a thief...but when I see people who relate to other church members in destructive ways I have to pray for compassion for those involved.

Anger, slander, un-Christlike confrontation, gossip, malice, deceit, envy, aggressive attitudes...this is sin. In my opinion, some of the ugliest sin a person can find in churches today. We do not tolerate adultery in the church...why then do we tolerate gossip? Both are sins clearly outlined in the Word of God.

If my words or my attitude in my dealings with others is not Christlike I have missed the entire message of the Gospel and what it means to be holy. Jesus addressed this in the Sermon on the Mount. I can be perfect in my actions and in my "morals" by following all the external rules (like the Pharisees). But if my words and my attitude is not sanctified, I am nothing but a "white washed tomb full of dead mens bones" and I have missed the whole point of Christ likeness.

I received the below information from one of my very good friends, Chad Hambrick. He is a church consultant as well as a full time conference speaker and evangelist.

GUIDELINES FOR MAINTAINING TRUE COMMUNITY

1) when I am faced with a conflict my primary goal will be to glorify God with my thoughts words and actions. (1 Cor 10:31)

2) I will always examine myself first before I start to focus on what others have done to offend me. (MT 7:3-5)

3) I will have a Christ-like gracious attitude toward minor conflicts. (Prov 19:11)

4) I will not gossip. If I have a problem with someone I will talk TO them and not ABOUT them. (Eph 4:29-32)

5) I will choose to believe the best about others while discovering the complete truth about the situation. (1 Cor 13:7)

6) I will seek reconciliation promptly when God reveals conflict in my relationships. (MT 5:23-24, 18:15)

7) I will share the truth in love in an effort to build up rather than tear down. (Prov 12:18, Eph 4:29, Gal 6:1)

8) When I am corrected I will resist becoming defensive and, with a humble spirit, I will ask the Lord to show me if I am wrong. (Prov 141:5, Prov 15:32)

9) When others ask for forgiveness I will extend the grace I have been given from the Lord. (Eph 4:32)

10) I will look out for others' best interest rather than my own. (Phil 2:3-4)

11) When issues cannot be resolved "on on one" I will seek the guidance from Christ centered leaders in my church. (MT 18:16)

12) When informal conflict resolution attempts do not work I will seek formal steps of action with appointed church leaders. (MT 18:17-20)

"Lord Jesus I pray that you would show me where I am at fault in the manner in which I treat other people; especially the way I talk about them when they are not present as well as the attitude I have toward them in my heart. I pray that you would give me a civil tone, a sanctified tongue, and a pure heart in my dealings with others. I confess my sin before you today. Help me to walk in true repentance. Amen"

(note: I obtained the phrase "a civil tone, a sanctified tongue" from Dr. Hershael York)