Flames of Destruction - Conflict Resolution

It is inevitable, no matter how spiritual you are, that you will end up having a disagreement with another brother or sister in Christ. The only way to avoid having a conflict with someone else is to not have any relationships with anyone. Obviously, God has not called us to this.

First of all, there is nothing evil, sinful, or un-healthy about conflict...as long as it is handled correctly. Truth is, we are not all that good at handling conflict. Here are some unbiblical ways of handling conflict...

- avoid people so that conflict never happens
- confront people who disagree with you or who have hurt you in an accusatory, harsh fashion and then tell them where they are wrong and demand repentance.
- yell and scream and cuss and holler
- give them the "silent treatment"
- smile and act like nothing is wrong
- go and talk to other people about the person who you are in conflict with
- the list could go on, and on, and on..................

What does the Bible say to do when you are in conflict?

Two verses - one to the offender and one to the offendee.

MT 18:15-17 - This is a command to someone who feels they were offended by someone else (this is where we normally categorize ourselves when we are in a conflict. Rarely do we identify the other person in this category. Oh, how we love to play the part of the victim!)
15"If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

MT 5:23-24 - This is a command to someone who has offended someone else

23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.


The point of these verses is RECONCILIATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP. If you are not interested in restoring the relationship with the person who hurt you, or if you hurt someone and you are not willing to restore the relationship you are not being Biblical.

In most every conflict you rarely find one person who was totally wrong and another person who was totally right. It is more common in a conflict to discover mistakes which both people made as well as points in which both people are partly right. Very rarely is one person totally to blame. This means that I have to be willing to confess my own mistakes, repent of those mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. We normally want the OTHER person to do this; we want them to confess their sin and see where they were wrong. But that is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to look at myself. Their responsibility is to look at themselves.

If confession, repentance, and forgiveness is not evident in both parties reconciliation is not possible.